He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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