I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
