Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize