so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
