Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I enjoy the company of your penis
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
