And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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