I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just pee around me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
