Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
