I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
