I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
