Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
