Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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