What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
