Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
