How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
