Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins

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(740): View more from Ohio

he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha

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(248): View more from Michigan

A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.

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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(847): View more from Illinois

Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

(312): View more from Illinois

I get to be your mom.

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(513): View more from Ohio

She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.

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