two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
