You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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