McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
