i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize