Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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