You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
