Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
