i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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