Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
