He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
