I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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