I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
