Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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