You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
