i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
