dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
