You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
