In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
