her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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