Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
