Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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