3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
