Nicole vs. Life
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
