anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize