I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
