God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
