someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
