i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
