omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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