Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
