I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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