$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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