so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
