you would pick up someone in the library
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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