I wish i was in the wii world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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