or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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