At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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