So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there is puke in my bra ... again
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