yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
