I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
