We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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