haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
