My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
