I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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