good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
