I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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