that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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