the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
