I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
