I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
