Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
