dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
